When I Don’t Desire God
I am currently reading this book by John Piper. Not just for the interestingness of the title. Not just for the mere knowledge of ‘desiring God’. But I’m personally experiencing this period, wanting to desire God but not, struggling spiritually and thus I can relate a great deal to what Piper wrote inside.
I love the paradox offered in the beginning of the section of the chapter “Why I wrote this book“. It started with the truth – God is most glorified in us when we are most
satisfied in him and continued to explain how that truth can be both liberating and devastating to a Christian. How pursuing joy is not sin in itself. Yeay, free! but wait, what if I do not pursue joy? This is where it gets devastating.
I also like how Piper didn’t try to give step-by-step solution to end the devastating dark period of not being able to desire God. He wrote in the preface :
Someone asked me why I didn’t put Chapter Twelve at the beginning
and then proceed to solve the problem. The title of Chapter Twelve is “When the Darkness Does Not Lift.” The reason is that I am helpless to solve that problem. But God can. And he will, in due time, for all who have tasted his saving grace. “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Ps. 30:5). And when it comes, it comes from God, not from this book. Chapter Twelve is at the end because when I have done all I can do, the darkness may still not be lifted. I hope you will not despair but will turn to God in prayer.
A key point that I realized and learnt for today, probably is the fact that persevering in hard times is not so much by my own willpower but by knowing that better future awaits me. Quoting Piper: Sacrifices in the path of love were sustained in the New Testament not by willpower, but by joyful hope.
I will keep fighting for joy in Christ. Even if I felt like I have none now. For I know that joy in Christ is not merely the “icing on the cake of Christian commitment” as Piper mentioned. But, much more than that, it is necessary to show God’s worthiness and to sustain sacrifices of love.
God, help me. Amen
“Simon, Simon…”
My other blog is under heavy reparation, so I decided to write here:
Luke 22:31-34:
“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you[a] as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.”Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”
I remember one sermon by Rev. Billy Kristanto about the David and Goliath story. Yes, classic bible story. However, what amazes me the most is the way he could relate the bible story to the reader, us, the christians. He said that most of the time, while reading, we would put ourselves as David, none would put themselves as Saul or Goliath or even David’s brothers. We did think very highly of ourselves 
I could relate somehow with this passage I’m reading tonight. I remember reading this passage and saying “Poor Simon, if only he trusts Jesus more, or at least be less of a coward”. I see him as, someone else, certainly not me. Or maybe when I did put myself in his shoes, I would have told myself, “I wouldn’t have done so, I would stay faithful to Jesus”.
Now I think, what a foolish thought. I am too bold, just like Peter when he said, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death”. Too hasty. All inside the head. But I guess He who knows the depth of human’s heart, knows Peter more when He said “I tell you Peter, the rooster will not crow this day…”
I pray tonight that, whatever my prayers, let them not be lies to God.
Jesus, shield my heart, and I believe You have prayed for me that my faith may not fail, the way You’ve prayed for Peter.
According to C. H. Spurgeon, this is truly a matter for joy, gratitude, hope and confidence.
Thanks be to God.
