Full Reliance on God
Will God ever answer our prayers instantly?
I believe so.
What does it mean to have struggles in a life of a Christian? Does God reproves His loved ones and left them on the ground? I think the answer is quite straightforward.
I wondered about how a man of God could rely fully on God and yet a Christian fellowship is supposed to support him. I wondered how God wants it to be. I wondered whether God wants me to cry my heart out to fellow believers and tell them my struggles. Or does He want me to struggle alone?
On a sermon, my pastor once said that he is a very lonely man. He has many struggles which no one else around him could understand and so he struggled alone. Does God intend it that way? I am sure He does. Sometimes we use the phrase “everyone has his/her own struggles” too lightly. Do we really understand what it means? or we just say that when we don’t understand others’ struggle? I believe God created men in such uniqueness that He also built each up with his/her strengths and weaknesses, with each different callings and He will lead each of the believers step by step differently. How great and unfathomable is that?
When I pondered about that point, I chanced upon C. H. Spurgeon’s Faith Checkbook Daily Devotional:
For he shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also, and him that hath no helper. (Psalm 72:12)
he needy cries; what else can he do? His cry is heard of God; what else need he do? Let the needy reader take to crying at once, for this will be his wisdom. Do not cry in the ears of friends, for even if they can help you it is only because the Lord enables them. The nearest way is to go straight to God and let your cry come up before Him. Straightforward makes the best runner: run to the Lord and not to secondary causes.
“Alas!” you cry, “I have no friend or helper.” So much the better; you can rely upon God in both capacities-as without supplies and without helpers. Make your double need your double plea. Even for temporal mercies you may wait upon God, for He careth for His children in these temporary concerns. As for spiritual necessities, which are the heaviest of all, the Lord will hear your cry and will deliver you and supply you.
O poor friend, try your rich God. O helpless one, lean on His help. He has never failed me, and I am sure He will never fail you. Come as a beggar, and God will not refuse you help. Come with no plea but His grace. Jesus is King; will He let you perish of wants What! Did you forget this?
What is full reliance on God? How can one receive help from fellow believers and yet fully depend on Him?
As paradox as it sounded, I believe when I make Him my best friend, my closest friend, the lover of my life, the first of all, and just walk and talk with Him in my daily life. I would understand how everything settles themselves into each part and form the great picture. By Faith.
A 1 year 2 months relationship has ended. Whatever is right, whatever is wrong, I really do not know right now. I hope He will enlighten me one day as I continue to walk with Him. I am sure the pain will still be there for very long, but I just wish to surrender everything unto Him and let Him take care of all the painful memories so that I can focus on what He wants from me.
God, don’t abandon me yet, please use me as You like.
My struggles
Lately I have been struggling with relationship problem. I have been deserting myself from the fellowship, running away from the Word of God, running away from problems and just cry and waste my precious time on earth. I focused on the problem, I focused on myself a lot, I try to block my view of the cross so much. And I blame God for not helping me.
I cried and cried but the pressure within just keep increasing. If I don’t go back to Him, I will never have peace ever in my life. I will never find any meaning in this life. I knew this fact, I learnt this over and over again, yet anytime problems arrive.. it is just easier to give up than to strive.
I realized my mistakes, yet again. I would like to be like Paul. I would like to experience and understand truth the way he saw it. How he could count everything else loss and knowledge of Christ as gain. I can only know that thru cognitive means, but I have not lived up to it. I would really want to know God even more, be more like Christ.
“ But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:!3-14
Lastly, regarding my relationship. I know that I haven’t grown up and I do not actually deserve to be in a relationship in Christ. I am too selfish, I probably use the relationship more to my self-centered needs. I’v never really thought of how my relationship should be blessings to others. As much as I want to reach that ideal, a lot of times I still fail, I still serve myself than serving God. And knowing how I keep failing disappoints me 
. However, I really learn to keep striving. Even though sometimes I do not know which way to strive towards, I know I should turn my eyes to Him.
Overall, what I learnt from all these problems is that I would really want to strive to be a godly woman.
I know, ideals, ideals. But if that is what pleases God, that is what I want to strive towards. God help me.
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
From Proverbs 31
