Sincere thoughts from a weak sinner
I just attended a mission conference in San Francisco and I learnt one thing which really struck me deeply. It may not be something new, even to me, but the meaning of those things sinked down really profoundly on that day. Thus, after e-mailing this thoughts to a friend, I thought of posting this on this blog because no matter who read it, or even if no one reads this, it will act as a reminder for me in my course of life as God’s worker in this fallen world.
I had served for 2 years in a Christian Fellowship in my university in Singapore. I also had served the Lord through music in church. I reflected the lesson that struck me that day to all the ministries that I have been involved in, especially for that one period where I was in charge of fellowship camp. I pondered again why after the 2 year span of serving God, I ended up being very stressed out, I ended up disappointed at God, I ended leaving Christianity and stopped going to church (for some time).
I used to serve so passionately, so enthusiastically that sometimes I wondered why others didn’t have as much fire as I had. Not to mention that God graced me with certain organizational skills. What went wrong?
Firstly, about the camp. It’s an important event for our fellowship although it’s only an annual 3-day thing. I saw lives being changed through the camp in my two years in this fellowship. Christians who were lukewarm, started to be more serious in upholding their Christian values in their lives and ministries. I saw how the transformation of mind, transformed the whole person, and affecting the fellowship in the positive light, motivating even more members to live close to God, to strive to be like Christ. No matter how terrible our planning is, how much trouble happened during the camp, God somehow, somewhat, mysteriously worked in those people that earnestly seek Him, working through the committee’s imperfect work to make our members, mere fallen and weak sinners, to be more perfect each day. Camp is indeed an important Kairos.
Therefore, I thought back in time again about how every year the new committee will all come together, sit down and think brainstorm the weaknesses in our fellowship in order to come out with a theme for the camp. Usually, the IC of the camp will send some points to ponder regarding the condition of the fellowship and our impact on the surrounding. I’m guessing probably there will be some of us who only started reflecting on the fellowship when they saw the emails, or even worse only started thinking when the meeting for discussion started and my wild guess is people will end up talking for the sake of being able to voice their “opinions” (eventhough some of the opinions were pretty convincing). I myself had been in those situations, honestly.
The situation in which I haven’t been is one in which my heart is truly crushed when I see the weaknesses in our fellowship, crushed looking at myself, at my own brothers and sisters not glorifying God in our lives, crushed because whatever not pleasing in God’s eyes, do not please my heart too. Most of all, to have a heart that is crushed looking at the hardened hearts of my brothers and sisters in Christ and myself for being terribly ignorant instead of being crushed, broken and weep over the lives of people around us whose path will obviously lead to their perishings. Without such crushed hearts that love God more than anything and love those who God loved, I believe there will be no true revival.
So what went wrong? I thought over and over again, am I that comfortable with my activities? Comfortable with the annual camp, the meetings, the people voicing their opinions, theme set through majority votes and every year going through the same procedure without further thinking without really going to God, getting down on our knees to pray and cry over our sins, asking for hearts that yearn to obey Him, to yearn to synchronize to God’s heart, even if it’s a small part of it. Being too comfortable with spiritual activities, activities which built more and more the wall of self righteousness, the wall which kept me feeling holy.
It’s time that we take a step back, and think of why we’re doing all this. Why need a camp? Why are we serving Him? Why are we doing whatever we are doing?. What is truly our vision in our camp? in our ministry? Is it because the activities are done under the name of our Christian Fellowship then whatever motivations for activities are guaranteed to be for the Glory of God?
Do we really know what He wants us to do in this fellowship, in this world, in our life? Do we really see a “vision” from Him, to see the needs of the people here in our fellowship and outside it? Are we really burdened, are our hearts really moved not because that’s God’s orders so we JUST have to do it BUT because we understand even the smal part of God’s heart, and from the understanding, it burdened us, it became our burdens when we actually see the needs of people around us and that bring us to kneel down even more in His presence, praying constantly for our vision and at the same time follow it up with our faithful actions.
Again, on the topic of our camp fellowship, I quote Mother Theresa who once said ” I’m not called to be successful, I’m called to be faithful” when asked about the successfulness of her ministry to the poor. The worry about success of the camp will definitely be there, just like all other secular events in which all those must be planned fabulously BUT our fear for God should far overwhelm that worry. Fear that we are not faithful to Him, fear that whatever we do will not be blessed by Him. Then, we should really take time to reflect and pray that He will grant us such heart, a heart which is crushed when we see sin, weep over sins because in our heart, there is a small bit of God’s heart which is the love of God to His people and His passion for His own glory.
I pray that whoever fell into the same trap of ministries, activities, and soon disappointment, will together with me, learn to accept the reality in life, the fallen reality of this world and kept striving not for our success, but strive to be faithful to what we are called for. God is a God who always keeps to His promises. When I first became a Christian, I read this verse about nothing will separate me from the love of God, separate me from God. Though I ran away from Him, He drew me back, His grace pulled me back, His Holy Spirit refreshes me again, His Words transformed my mind, over and over again, and the Cross gave life back to me. I believe that whoever is now in the same situation has the same promise from God, and I pray that soon they will find God and the joy of serving God in their lives again. Cos God promises to lead us from Grace to Grace, from Strength to Strength, from Faith to Faith.
Just another weak, weak sinner strengthen by the loving grace of His blood on the Cross,
Pat
Reformed Spirituality
Recently I am listening to Rev. Dr. Stephen Tong’s National Reformed Evangelical Convention (NREC) sermon which was 5 years ago in 2004.
He was speaking about what is true revival. And he mentioned Psalm 23 as one of the key bible verse about Reformation.
Psalm 23:2-3
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
or in other translation :because of His Holy name, He has waken me up and lead me into the original path.
Reformed movement means STOP DEVIATING and RETURN to the correct path that God has planned. Why this movement?
1. Because of His Holy name, not because of our merits, not because we deserve it.
2. We have to be awaken, we need to know where we have deviated.
Thanks be to God.
I wish I were able to attend even one of the NREC. But I had no more chances.
Sustaining Grace
” Not grace to bar what is not bliss,
Nor flight from all distress, but this:
The grace that orders our trouble and pain,
And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain. “
- John Piper
I’m thankful to the Lord that last year at this same time I may not even understand wholly what His sustaining grace is, probably only “knowing” it fully well in my head but not really knowing Him who provides the sustaining grace. But now, I’m starting to. I’m starting to see the beauty of His grace.
I believe the “bliss” He withdrew from me and the flight from distress which seemed to be not there really brought me to know Him personally, not only through my brain and understanding.
Sustaining grace, instead, order whatever trouble and pain, and constantly letting us know that He is there sustaining us..
Thought of the day
“When we lose the joyful sense of His presence we mourn,
but we may not sorrow as if there were no hope”
- C. H. Spurgeon
O Mighty Cross
O mighty cross,
Love lifted high
The Lord of life
raised there to die;His sacrifice on Calvary
Has made the mighty cross
a tree of life to me.O mighty cross,
what throne of grace.
He knew no sin,
yet took my place;O mighty cross,
O Christ so pure.
Love held Him there,
such shame endured;O mighty cross,
my soul’s release,
The stripes He bore,
have brought me peace;
Thought of the Day
It is useless when conscience is aroused to trust in feelings and evidences for comfort; this is a bad and sorry habit.
The only cure for a guilty conscience is the sight of Jesus suffering on the cross.
“The blood is the life”
- C. H. Spurgeon
O Master Let Me Walk with Thee
O Master, let me walk with Thee,
In lowly paths of service free;
Tell me Thy secret; help me bear
The strain of toil, the fret of care.Help me the slow of heart to move
By some clear, winning word of love;
Teach me the wayward feet to stay,
And guide them in the homeward way.Teach me Thy patience; still with Thee
In closer, dearer, company,
In work that keeps faith sweet and strong,
In trust that triumphs over wrong.In hope that sends a shining ray
Far down the future’s broadening way,
In peace that only Thou canst give,
With Thee, O Master, let me live.
How we should yearn for more hymns like this in the present time. Hymns that draw attention not to ourselves, but to our Master. The One who deserves all the glory.
help me bear – knowing that life isn’t all comfortable in Jesus, in fact, it may be more difficult, with more suffering, but knowing that with us walking with our Master, He will give us the strength to bear.
slow of heart, wayward feet – our weaknesses, those things that hinder us from focusing on God, things that chould further us from Him. We acknowledge our weaknesses, we fight and ask Him to help us guide our feet, and move our hearts.
patience, still with Thee – to wait for Him, to be still, to hold strong to His promise
closer, dearer company – O just to be closer to Him.
work that keeps faith strong – because faith without work is dead
trust that triumphs over wrong – trust in the Truth itself
in peace that only Thou canst give - the heavenly peace
With Thee, O Master, let me live - for without Him, our lives are in vain.
Like David once said, Thy loving kindness, is better than life. Aren’t we just sinners who received lives from Him through the death of Christ? Without that Love, what are our lives for?
Even the tune, is such a tune of humbleness, just like the lyrics.
Asking from God from high up, while we lower ourselves in humble prayer.
Not taking our walk with God for granted, humbly ask God to let us walk with Him daily.
And not proud of what we can do, but pray that He will help us with our sinful nature.
Thoughts
“When we see others’ weaknesses, we instrospect ourselves.
Is it because we do not pray for them, do not advise them?
Through others’ weaknesses, we realize how little we pray for others”
- Rev. Dr. Stephen Tong
