Love of His Words

One of the many weaknesses of being in a Reformed church is that as we receive much deep and biblical knowledge from our preachers, many of us may just lose our appetite for the Word of God itself. I personally realized that I, too, have been slowly and gradually moving away from using bible verses in self-arguments or in conversation with others. It’s actually easy to just capture the concept and forget the verses. And later on to justify self by saying “as long as I struggle with the concept, I guess it’s enough”.

However, I find this very disturbing and totally defeating the purpose of having a church and teaching which should in fact point us back to the Bible. Well, the church and its leaders are doing their jobs, just that the slothful and sluggish me is abandoning my own responsibilities. I fully realize my gradual drifting away from the Word of God, though I may hold certain posts and serve in different kinds of ministries in church as well as on campus, which is really ironic. I have less and less time with God, I justify my actions a lot. It has turned into a really scary scenario.

Today, somehow, Psalm 19 is read aloud in church. It reminds me these verses that I used to memorize, few years back. And I wonder where all the enthusiasm has gone.

7) The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple;

the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes;

9) the fear of the Lord is clean,
enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
and righteous altogether.

10) More to be desired are they than gold,
even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
and drippings of the honeycomb.

11) Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

I guess my response to this verse, the uneasiness, the troubled mind while reading and the reminiscing of the past just confirm even more that God’s words is at work in me even at that period, even when I least expected it, when I’m not actively seeking for it. Such power, such greatness, how can I lose sight of it all this while?

The law of the Lord has always been torturing, hasn’t it? How can it be reviving/refreshing the soul? How can it be rejoicing the heart, enlightening the eyes? Am I again using my unbelief to judge the word of God? Pardon my unbelief, Lord.

If His words says that the law of the Lord are all those, then let me experience it, Lord. Teach me to love it, do it and enjoy it. Let me take off this mask of unbelief, this skepticism that’s always been inside of me, this feeling of “i know that” and all the pride of being a Christian, especially from the Reformed denomination. Let me relearn what it is to love the law of the Lord, the perfect law, the fear of the Lord that keeps me clean which will keep warning me from unrighteousness and reminding me of the hope ahead.

If I cannot love God’s words, how can I ever say that I love God? I am such a liar then.

Help me with my unbelief, O Lord. Help me stay near to Your heart.

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