Right thinking about God exists to serve right feelings about God.

Logic exists for the sake of love.

Reasoning exists for the sake of rejoicing.

Doctrine exists for the sake of delight.

Reflection about God exists for the sake of affection for God.

The head is meant to serve the heart.

- John Piper in The Pastor as Scholar and the Scholar as Pastor

Quotes(with rephrasing):

“You’re made much of by God, to ultimately make much of Him, because that’s the only way your heart can ever be satisfied. Your heart was made for Him”.

“You are so precious to Him that He will not let your preciousness to Him replace Himself as your God.”

“I pray that the dominant feelings and thoughts of being a disappointment child of God will be replaced with the dominant thought that we are the cherished, approved and enjoyed children of God. We are precious to Him!”

“A heartfelt religion that is mindless is not genuine faith. It has no real content, it has no understanding, there’s no wisdom in it … We cannot get a right heart without a right mind.” – RC Sproul

I was having an especially melancholic and exhausted early morning at work due to lack of sleep and the consequent frustration that came with it the night before. While at the same time rushing for yet another deadline, yet another stressful and pressurizing week. The pressure almost seemed unbearable.

Then, as I was chatting with a friend about work and how I had been treating work like a thief/robber and a hired hand as mentioned in John 10, I was reminded again that what do I have which I deserve, which I did not receive? Even this presumably tiring, exhausting toiling called work is another form of God’s grace. I do not deserve it. It is a gift. I was reminded to treasure it, and like in Colossians 3, to work heartily as working for Lord not men.

And in the middle of the chat, prayer to God and multitasking my deadline-chasing, my Spotify played this hymn “Lead me to Calvary”. I could not but stop whatever I was doing, totally captured by the words in the hymn and when the Chorus came, I was already brimming with tears. The hymn caught me at such a precise timing. When Christ seemed to be missing in what I was doing and no amount of complaining about it does anything. Then I prayed with the hymn: “Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget Thy agony, Lest I forget Thine Love for me, Lead me to Calvary”

King of my life, I crown Thee now,
Thine shall the glory be;
Lest I forget Thy thorn crowned brow,
Lead me to Calvary.

Lest I forget Gethsemane,
Lest I forget Thine agony;
Lest I forget Thy love for me,
Lead me to Calvary.

Show me the tomb where Thou wast laid,
Tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed
Guarded Thee whilst Thou slept.

Let me like Mary, through the gloom,
Come with a gift to Thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb,
Lead me to Calvary.

May I be willing, Lord, to bear
Daily my cross for Thee;
Even Thy cup of grief to share,
Thou hast borne all for me.

Lord, help our unbeliefs. We want to trust You fully.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
while I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
as in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me!

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
but trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

-William Cowper’s ‘God Moves In A Mysterious Way’

The study of theology is not merely a theoretical exercise of the intellect. It is a study of the living God, and of the wonders of all his works in creation and redemption. We cannot study this subject dispassionately! We must love all that God is, all that he says and all that he does. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart” ( Deut. 6:5 ). Our response to the study of the theology of Scripture should be that of the psalmist who said, “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!” ( Ps. 139:17 ). In the study of the teachings of God’s Word, it should not surprise us if we often find our hearts spontaneously breaking forth in expressions of praise and delight like those of the psalmist:

The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart. ( Ps. 19:8 )
In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. ( Ps. 119:14 )
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! ( Ps. 119:103 )
Your testimonies are my heritage for ever; yea, they are the joy of my heart. ( Ps. 119:111 )
I rejoice at your word like one who finds great spoil. ( Ps. 119:162 )

I am so scared, so terrified, like a small kid who has never seen the world, now I see it and it’s ugly, it’s horrifying, it’s discouraging and disturbing my very soul.

I’ve always professed that I can bear the cross and follow You at all cost. Now I’m starting to chicken out, starting to run away and as much as I know it’s wrong… I need Your comfort O God. I need to know that You’re near, Your right hand is what upholds me and You are the good shepherd who knows what is the best for me.

Dear God, strengthen and comfort me with Your Holy Spirit. Lead me to wisdom thoughts and discernment that I may take the step of faith, I may do what is pleasing to Your eyes.

I am Your child and I believe You will never forsake me.

Teach me Thy will.

Love me still.

Grant me Your loving kindness. Be real to me O God. Be near me. Come to me.

I need Your loving kindness.

Sincerely,
Your broken-hearted servant.